Just in case... Parental guidelines in case you need a babysitter

Whether you work full time outside the home or are simply going out for the evening, you want the best possible care for your children while you are away from them. Before you hire anyone to watch over your children, however, make sure that he or she is a mature, experienced, and capable individual who truly cares about the welfare of children. Check all references, and make sure to observe the babysitter with your children.

Above all, ask your children about whether they like and trust the babysitter and what activities took place during your time away. The National Center for Missing and Exploited Children has prepared the following guidelines for parents in finding and training a babysitter and preparing your home for temporary child care. Also included here are important safety tips for you and your children.

Finding a Babysitter

The best sources of child care information are the recommendations of family, friends, and neighbors. You may also advertise for a babysitter in the newspaper or through your local high school, church, or civic organization.

If you are new to the area, check the yellow pages of the telephone book (under "Sitting Services") for a list of child care services. Certain sitting services advertise that their sitters are "bonded." This means that the babysitting service has purchased an insurance bond that will cover certain damages or loss of your property. The bond most likely will not protect your children in any way, however. Determine whether the sitting service has made a criminal history check on or has otherwise screened its employees.

In some states, you may be able to obtain a listing of child care services through the County Office for Children or even the police department. Look in your telephone book under "County Government" or call your local police department.

Hiring the Babysitter

Once you have made a list of possible babysitters, check their references carefully. Contact the sitter's past employers, teachers, counselors, relatives, friends, or neighbors and ask them about the sitter's qualifications for child care. Most important, interview several prospective sitters personally and observe their interaction with your children. Look for mature and responsible people who listen and respond well to your children and appear relaxed and happy with them.

Last, outline the babysitter's duties and responsibilities and discuss an imagined emergency situation and how he or she might react. When you decide on a babysitter who meets your high standards, discuss the hours and fees for service. Also write down his or her name, home address, and telephone number and, if an adult, the driver's license number.

When the Babysitter Arrives

Ask the babysitter to arrive at least 15 minutes before you depart. Make sure that you let the sitter know exactly where you will be and how you can be reached. Write down the address and telephone number of where you will be. Also make a list of emergency telephone numbers: a friend or relative, the children's doctor, the police department, the fire department, an ambulance service, and the poison control center.

Carefully go over any family rules and daily routines, paying special attention to eating or sleeping arrangements. Take the sitter on a tour of the house, showing him or her any first-aid equipment and all doors and possible exits. It is a good idea to discuss the family rules regarding television, snacks, and bedtime with both the babysitter and the children present. It is the parents' responsibility to let the children know what rules are to be obeyed when the parents are out of the house.

The babysitter should be given the following specific instructions:

1. Lock all doors when the parents leave.
2. The children should be watched carefully while they are awake and kept away from dangerous objects or chemicals and protected from household accidents.
3. The sitter should not be permitted visitors or guests, nor should the sitter leave the children alone in the house at any time.
4. When the children go to sleep, they should be checked regularly. The sitter should stay awake during his or her stay in the house.
5. If the telephone rings, do not tell the caller that the children are alone with a babysitter. Ask the caller to leave a message for the parents.
6. Do not open the door to anyone unless the parents have given prior permission. Ask to take a message.
7. If the children are taken outside to the yard, they must be watched carefully. It is the parents' responsibility to let the babysitter know whom the children may play with or visit.
8. If the children are with the babysitter in a public place, they must be watched carefully and not permitted to wander. Avoid sending the children to public restrooms alone. Make sure that you lock all windows and doors before you leave. When you return, if something seems suspicious (broken window or door), call the police immediately from another house.

Your Return Home

When you return home, ask the babysitter if the children are safe and if anything unusual happened - telephone calls, visits, and so on. Make sure that the babysitter is escorted home, and wait until he or she is safely inside before you leave.

Most important, when the babysitter has left, talk to your children about what happened while you were gone. Ask them what games they played and about any other activities. Ask your children if anything happened that made them uncomfortable or afraid.

Safety Tips for Your Children

Your children should be reminded of the following safety instructions, which apply to babysitters as well as others:

• No one should ask you to keep a special secret. If he or she does, tell your parents or teacher.
• If someone wants to take your picture, tell your parents or teacher.
• No one should touch you in the parts of the body covered by the bathing suit, nor should you touch anyone else in those areas. Your body is special and private.
• Trust your feelings about what is right and wrong behavior.
• No one should approach you or touch you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable. You can be assertive, and you have the right to say NO to someone who tries to take you somewhere, touches you, or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way.

• Above all, be sensitive to changes in your child's behavior, and find out from your child what caused the changes. Your home should be a place of trust and support where your children can feel safe in discussing fears and other sensitive matters and in relating experiences that made them uncomfortable. A good and healthy communication with your child can go a long way toward preventing child exploitation and abuse.

Detecting Sexual Exploitation

Sexual exploitation should not be confused with physical contacts that are true expressions of affection. A warm and healthy relationship can exist if adults respect the child and place reasonable limits on their physical interaction. The reality of sexual exploitation is that often the children are very confused, uncomfortable, and unwilling to talk about the experience to parents, teachers, or anyone else. But they will talk if you have already established an atmosphere of trust and support in your home, where your children will feel free to talk without fear of accusation, blame, or guilt.

Parents should be alert to these indicators of sexual abuse:

• Changes in behavior, extreme mood swings, withdrawal, fearfulness, and excessive crying.
• Bed-wetting, nightmares, fear of going to bed, or other sleep disturbances.
• Acting out inappropriate sexual activity or showing an unusual interest in sexual matters.
• A sudden acting out of feelings or aggressive or rebellious behavior.
• Regression to infantile behavior.
• A fear of certain places, people, or activities, especially being alone with certain people. Children should not be forced to give affection to an adult or teenager if they do not want to. A desire to avoid this may indicate a problem.
• Pain, itching, bleeding, fluid, or rawness in the private areas.

There is always a chance that a child may disclose past acts of exploitation or general feelings of fear. If this happens, we want you to be prepared to help the child. Follow the guidelines below if a child indicates that he or she may have been the victim of sexual abuse or exploitation:

• DON'T panic or overreact to the information disclosed by the child.
• DON'T criticize the child.
• DO
• • Respect the child's privacy.
  • Support the child and the decision to tell the story.
  • Explain to the child that he or she has done no wrong.
  • Seek out appropriate medical attention.
  • Alert the child protection, youth services, child abuse, or other appropriate social services organizations. The police, sheriff's office, or other law enforcement agency must also be notified.
  • Consider the need for counseling or therapy for the child.

Copyright © 1986 National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. All right reserved.

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